Real Help for the Difficulties in Marriage - Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of this three-part blog, click here to read it before reading Part 2.

Then Peter said to Jesus, “Explain to us the parable that says people aren’t defiled by what they eat.” “Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.” Matthew 15:15-20.

The next of the three challenging questions (1) will help any spouse to get to the real root of your marriage difficulties - the ways sin has OR is ruling in your heart. It’s a very direct question, and one that demands an honest evaluation:

Question 2: How do you sin against your spouse? (Please be specific in how you sin)

If I am honest, one of the specific ways I sin against my wife, Shawn, is by being impatient with her. I can also sin against her by being harsh in how I respond to her. The Lord has graciously shown me that I oftentimes have patience for others, but frequently lack patience with my bride, Shawn. The Lord is helping me work on this. But the sanctification process has been slow - no quick fixes for my sinful impatience and harshness.

Jesus reminded us in the Matthew passage above that the words we speak come from our heart. We cannot honestly say “I didn’t mean to say that”, because if the words were not already in my heart, then they could not have come out of my mouth.

Can you honestly admit that you have sinned against your spouse with your words - even asking God to help you remember the hurtful words you said? Your spouse didn’t make you sin - you chose to respond to them sinfully. Even if they sinned against you with their words, your response is your responsibility. As you ponder the ways you may be sinning against your spouse, consider how you might be following the fool described in the book of Proverbs (1):

• Is convinced that he is right and quickly shows his annoyance (Proverbs 12:15-16)

• Spurns discipline and correction (Proverbs 15:5)

• Delights in airing his own opinions (Proverbs 18:2)

• Is quick to quarrel (Proverbs 20:3)

• Is wise in his own eyes (Proverbs 26:5)

• Trusts in himself (Proverbs 28:26)

• Gives full vent to his anger (Proverbs 29:11)

The first step to winning the battle with our sin is true repentance. We must drag our sin into the light and ask God to help us see it, own it, and turn from it. That is why we need to learn to name our sin specifically.

“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.” 1 John 1:8-10

These verses remind me that when I minimize my sin, call it a “mistake”, or blame others for it, I “deceive myself” and “make Him a liar”. But 1 John also mercifully reminds me that when I confess (I would add ‘specifically’), God is faithful to both forgive and cleanse me. The choice is clear - deceive ourselves or confess. Which will you and I choose when convicted by the Holy Spirit of the ways we sin against our spouse?

Application from Part Two (2):

1) Take time to read Proverbs 28:13-14. What do these verses say about concealing vs. confessing our sins? If we harden our hearts against the Spirit’s conviction, what is the expected result? How can knowing these verses help you and I when we are convicted of our sin by the Holy Spirit?

 2) Take 15 minutes today to read Romans 6. As you read through it the first time, write down everything the Word says in this chapter about fighting sin (example: verse 6 says that “we are no longer enslaved to sin”.) Then set a reminder to read through Chapter 6 again on another day in a different Bible translation. Write down any additional ways you see the Word calls you to fight sin. Consider ending your time in Romans 6 by writing out a prayer to God, thanking Him for the power He has given you to fight sin and pursue being a slave of righteousness! 

Post Sources:

(1): These three questions were taken from a Desiring God online post by Darren Carlson that is entitled “What Makes Any Marriage Difficult: Three Questions to Help Yours Grow”. That DG post was published on May 9, 2020.  Online Link: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-makes-any-marriage-difficult

(2) Post content, application section and questions shared by Glen Solberg, Abiding Marriage, 2025.

Image by Pete Linforth on Pixabay