Real Help for the Difficulties in Marriage: Part 1

But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems. 1 Corinthians 7:28 NLT

I remember nodding my head the first time I heard the verse above, especially the phrase, “those who get married…will have troubles”. For anyone who is married, that is an inescapable truth. And while there is certainly great joy we experience in marriage, the Bible warns us that troubles will come. Having difficulties in marriage should not surprise us.

But in the midst of our marriage difficulties, God has provided help in His Word. The Bible is full of these promises of help. Here are three examples from the Psalms:

• “Because he loves Me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My Name. He will call on Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16

• I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

• God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Psalm 46:1

But in addition to learning to trust God’s promises to help my marriage, what are some other things that God is calling me to do to help with the difficulties my wife and I face in marriage?

I recently read an article that outlined three challenging questions (1) that any spouse can honestly ask and answer that can really help in these difficulties. These questions, honestly worked through by any couple, can also help them begin to combat these difficulties.

We will cover the three challenging questions as a three-part blog post over the next three weeks. Please be sure to come back for Part 2 and Part 3 in the weeks that follow.

Part One: The First Question to Help Our Marriage Difficulties

All of us have personality traits or preferences that are not sin but make us challenging to live with. But we have to get honest about these traits and preferences - honest with ourselves and honest before God. So as you read this first question, please be asking the Lord to humble you and help you to see the honest answer to this question:

Question 1: What personality traits or preferences make you difficult to live with?

My wife and I have repeated this phrase from Emerson Eggerich many times in our marriage: “Not wrong, just different”. This phrase reminds us that there is more than one way to load a dishwasher or fold clothes. While every spouse has real sin struggles that the Lord wants them to work on, many of the difficulties we face in marriage are more related to “personal preferences” and “personality differences”.

If we are going to learn to work on our marital difficulties, there must be grace for these preferences and differences. Grace that allows your spouse to complete a task differently than you would, but the end result is the same - the task is done.

The foundation for that kind of grace-giving in marriage is Christ-like humility. We are a team as husband and wife, and teamwork demands grace in how we see, how we think about, and how we respond to our spouses’ differences and preferences. Here is what the author of the “three challenging questions” post said on humility: “Humility allows us to be aware of the ways we make things hard on our spouse. It also enables us to serve our spouse better, undermines more opportunities for misunderstanding, and makes our spouse feel listened to and cared for. Confessing non-sinful weaknesses allows for healthy expectations as your spouse recognizes that you know yourself and desire to grow.” (1)

So now, please take a minute to look back at Question 1 again. Reflect on that question and on what you just read. Then ask God, a second time, to help you see what makes you difficult to live with. Write down anything else you hear from Him in the space below:

Application from Part One (2):

1) Earlier I shared three verses from Psalms as an example of God’s promises to help us in the difficulties of marriage. As Christ-followers, we should be growing in knowing promises like Psalm 91:14-16, Psalm 121:1-2, and Psalm 46:1. Using your knowledge of Scripture or an online search, find at least three more verses on God’s help for you and your spouse and write them below.

2) Knowing God’s promises is only half the battle. We must also learn to lean on those promises when things are difficult. That is when we can choose to live out our faith in His promises. Think of an area of marital difficulty that you and your spouse are facing right now. What are at least two measurable faith steps that you can take by yourself, or with your spouse, to practically trust God and the promises of His Word?

3) Honestly, do you think you are growing in Christ-like humility? Why or why not? What would your spouse, and those closest to you, say in answer to that question? Take some time to meditate on these verses on humility: Psalm 25:8-9, Isaiah 57:15, and 1 Peter 5:5-6.

Post Sources:

(1): These three questions were taken from a Desiring God online post by Darren Carlson that is entitled “What Makes Any Marriage Difficult: Three Questions to Help Yours Grow”. That DG post was published on May 9, 2020.  Online Link: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-makes-any-marriage-difficult

(2) Post content, application section and questions shared by Glen Solberg, Abiding Marriage, 2025.

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