I grew up in a family where I learned what it took to grow things. We had a large vegetable garden each year that my Dad and my siblings and I would help care for. As we grew older, we would learn more about everything it took to grow vegetables. For any of you who have had a garden, you know it takes work. We spent many hot summer days in West Tennessee hoeing, watering, and taking care of the garden, so that we could enjoy the delicious homegrown vegetables that would grace our table!!
In a similar way, there are vital ingredients that you and your spouse need to take time to cultivate in your marriage. Things like compassion, commitment, respect, and acceptance, to name a few. If you will take intentional time to cultivate these things, then you can expect your connection as a couple to grow.
But along with those other vital ingredients, I don’t want you to miss one that is essential to growing your marriage relationship. And it may surprise you. It’s praise! Praise is something we are normally good at doing during dating, but often begins to be forgotten as our relationship matures. Here is what CCEF’s Aaron Sironi shares on this:
Praise and affirmation are essential to the health and vitality of a marriage. Genuine praise and verbalized thankfulness are like marital fertilizer (think Miracle-Gro®) in the soil of your spouse’s heart. They have the power to help heal an ailing marriage or strengthen an already healthy one. (1)
I love how he says that, and the picture we get of our spouse’s heart growing, as we do our part to help that growth. Not surprisingly, God’s Word exhorts us to praise and build each other up in verses like these:
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Prov. 31:28-29
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thess. 5:11
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
What I have found in my own marriage and seen in many others is that it is way too easy to take our spouse and what they do for granted. We can easily be tempted to forget to praise them for the ways they help our lives work together. And even worse, we can begin to spend more time finding fault with them rather than cultivating appreciation for them. Anybody besides me guilty of that?
Instead of falling into the temptation of focusing too much on faults and shortcomings, or of taking your spouse for granted, I encourage you to go on what my friend, Hans Molegraaf, calls a “Praise Hunt”. Two simple steps: 1) take intentional time to pay closer attention to what your spouse is doing along with asking the Lord to help you recognize other things that you may be missing. And 2) take time to verbally express your appreciation to your spouse. Maybe even consider writing them a note or getting them a small gift. And if you want to get more detailed info on “how should I praise my spouse?”, take time to check out the Marriage Revolution online post where a list of 4 things is shared to help you! (2)
So, I encourage you to cultivate the garden of your marriage by making sure the vital ingredient of praise is being poured in generously. The investment you make in doing this will pay dividends for years to come!
Putting It into Practice:
Take time to honestly evaluate how good you are at verbally appreciating your spouse. Do you just think to yourself about that appreciation, or do you take time to stop, get your spouse’s attention, and then sincerely express that appreciation to them? What are some steps you can take this week to grow in this way?
If you have been in a season where you have been doing more fault-finding with your spouse rather than taking time to praise and appreciate them, take a moment right now to confess that to the Lord. Ask Him to forgive you and to begin to cultivate in your heart a real appreciation for your spouse that is clearly communicated to them!
In Aaron Sironi’s post linked below, I encourage you to read that post together with your spouse. Aaron has something to share on the reasons why we sometimes don’t praise and appreciate our spouse that you may need to begin cultivating in your marriage.
Sources:
(1) CCEF Post by Aaron Sironi: https://www.ccef.org/cultivating-praise-marriage
(2) Marriage Revolution Post: https://marriagerevolution.org/how-to-jumpstart-your-communication/
Image by Ekaterina Ershova from Pixabay
Written by Glen Solberg, Abiding Marriage, 2024. All Rights Reserved. Please email us at info@abidingmarriage.org for any comments or questions.
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