Salt and Pepper for Your Marriage

Depending on where you live, there are certain things you expect to find on the table at your favorite eating place. At a local BBQ place here in Central Arkansas, you always find 6 different BBQ sauces to choose from along with a paper towel roll for your napkins. So whether your favorite place has Asian cuisine or you prefer the local steakhouse, there are certain items you expect to find when you sit down to eat.

If there is something I think we all expect to find, no matter where we go, that would be salt and pepper. They are the most basic of seasonings. Something that can add flavor and/or a little spice to your meal.

So if there are essential ingredients, like salt and pepper, that are needed to help a husband and wife really flourish in marriage, what would they be? What is the salt and pepper needed for your marriage?

Answering the Question

There are several things that I believe are essential to flourishing in a Christ-centered marriage. These are things like having a vibrant relationship with God, good communication as a couple, serving and sacrificing for one another, a growing spiritual connection, and the ability to work through conflict in a God-honoring way, to name a few.

But as important as those things are, there is one thing that hinders the growth of all of them. TIME – or really the lack of time! Most couples I counsel with are so, so very busy! Packed schedules for the two of them and their kids – full days with work, school, church, and extra-curricular activities. Busy from the time they get up until they lay their head on the pillow to sleep. Sound familiar?

So if a lack of time together is truly what most hinders growth in these key areas of marriage, what can a husband and wife do? Think Salt and Pepper - S&P – Snippets of time and Prioritized time.

Here’s what I mean by “snippets of time”: A husband and wife intentionally looking for a few minutes here and a few minutes there in their day to connect as a couple. 

Maybe it’s just getting up 15 minutes early to spend time together before the hectic day starts. Or while the kids are occupied with homework, take 10 minutes with each other to talk about a high or low from your day. Or perhaps after putting the kids to bed, spend a few minutes praying for each other. These small moments can mean a lot! I encourage both of you to be intentional about looking for and taking advantage of these snippets as an important step to grow your marriage relationship.

But in addition to working to find snippets of time together, you also need “prioritized time” as a couple. This is what we tend to think of as “date night”, or some folks have called it “couple time”. These will likely need to be times you both 1) put on your calendar, and 2) that you both guard from being hijacked by other activities that tend to crowd these times out – like kid’s activities, work functions, or church meetings.

Please remember that these prioritized times together don’t have to be expensive. My wife and I had a lot of “in home dates” when our kids were young – scheduling time to enjoy each other’s company after the kids were in bed. We also traded babysitting with some other couples where they would keep our kids when we went out, and vice versa. Get creative!

The Bottom Line

The real question to ask and honestly answer as a couple is: Are you making time as a couple to give your marriage a chance to grow and flourish as God has designed it? I think there would have been a number of seasons in our marriage when our honest answer would have been “NO”.

If your answer is “YES”, then thank God for Him helping you make that a priority. Continue to be intentional and enjoy connection as a couple. Each season has challenges and we have to be creative in finding time to connect and grow as a couple.

If you honestly answered that question with “NO”, thanks for your honesty. You have much to look forward to as you both put in the effort. The Lord brings things to light so that we can make the needed adjustments, so please work through the application section below. You can begin, even today, to take steps to make time for your marriage to grow and flourish as God has designed it!

Application Section:

Take time together, as husband and wife, to click on and read this post we did on Snippets in August of 2023. Now take 15 minutes (right now if possible) to brainstorm which of these snippets of time are for the two of you. Once you do that, both of you can take on the responsibility of 2-3 times this week looking for and taking advantage of one of these time snippets to connect.

When it comes to prioritized time, ask other married friends what they do to get date nights or couple time together. Try some of their ideas out. If you try something and it’s not working well for either of you, no worries, just try something else. This prioritized time as a couple is too important to give up trying to find what works in your season of life. And please check out one or more of the links below for additional ideas to help!

• XO Marriage Online Post – Link here

  
  

• FamilyLife Online Post – Link here

  
  

• 101 Creative Date Night Ideas – Link here

Written by Glen Solberg, Abiding Marriage, 2025. Send comments or questions to info@AbidingMarriage.org

Image by PublicDomainArchive from Pixabay