Husband Help: Romancing Your Wife

As I talk to couples in marriage counseling, many times there is a marked difference between a husband and wife in how often they desire to be physically intimate with one another. Generally, the husband wants greater frequency, while the woman is OK with a lesser frequency of physical intimacy. That is not a surprise to most spouses reading this.

I often challenge husbands with this question and encourage them to also ask their wife how they are doing: How well are you pursuing your wife outside the bedroom? That question can be asked in a slightly different way: Is the majority of the physical affection you show your wife motivated by the hope that she will want to get between the sheets later that evening?

As I was searching for help on this topic for me, and every other husband, I came across some great advice from Author and Speaker, Dennis Rainey:

Question: Dennis, what in a man communicates romance to a woman?

• A romantic man engages his wife in a living and growing relationship, without losing sight that physical intimacy is an important part of that relationship.

• A romantic man commits to learning nonsexual ways to love his wife while nurturing in her the freedom to be sexually responsive.

• A romantic man can kiss, hug, touch, and cuddle without a sexual agenda.

• A romantic man does not pressure his wife into having sex, nor does he retreat from the pursuit of sexual oneness.

• A romantic man connects to his wife's world, supports, listens, and shares his heart, without applying sexual pressure, while remaining confidently aware that sexual intimacy is vital to the survival of his marriage.

• A romantic man will do all of these things, even when his spouse is sexually unresponsive.

You can learn to speak your wife's language of romantic love and still be fully a man, whose sexual desires are blessed by God and were created for His purposes. Remember, there is no shame, no condemnation, and no apology for fully being a man. (1)

SOURCE: (1) Dennis Rainey Romance FAQ. FamilyLife Marriage Bible.

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