Great Advice for Couples Seeking Marriage Counseling

One of the most sobering passages in the New Testament is James 3:2: “We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.”. James is telling us like it is. No sugar-coating the truth. We all stumble. We all fall short. We all need help.

That truth extends to every husband and wife needing help with challenges in their marriage. In my marriage of 30+ years with Shawn, we have sought help a number of times for marriage issues - from mentors, pastors, counselors, friends, etc. We should not be ashamed to ask for help. I firmly believe there are seasons in every marriage where we should seek outside help.

I don’t say that because I do marriage counseling. I say that because I am married and know the stresses and challenges we have faced together. We all need help.

But before we seek help for our marriage, we need to keep in mind one vitally important thing. Here is how Pastor David Guzak shares that:

This is the greatest problem that my wife and I see when we counsel couples. The absolute greatest problem in marriages is thinking that the problem is with your spouse. My wife and I have seen so many times in marriage counseling where you get a couple together and all they're doing is pointing fingers at each other. We know we can't do anything for that couple. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Nothing will change in your marriage until you say, “the problem is with me”. If your prayer is, “God bless me and change my spouse”, nothing is going to change in your marriage. You must turn that around and instead say, “Lord, change me and bless my spouse.”  (1)

I cannot agree more strongly. We often tell couples in counseling that we cannot help them; God cannot help them; really no one can help them, until they first begin to honestly look at themselves. Humility is essential for God working in you and your marriage. James tells us later that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”. We desperately need His grace to help us!

So please, seek help for the challenges you are facing in marriage - from trusted Christian friends, your Pastor, a mentor, etc. But before you do, first focus on what God wants to change in you - not your spouse.

Suggested Applications:

1) Read Psalm 139:23-24. Make this a prayer to God - where you are honestly asking Him to show you your sin and failure so you can confess it and He can bring His help.

2) Take time to read our online post from Jesus’ words in Matthew 7. LINK HERE. Ask the Lord to help you apply Jesus’ words from this passage to your life and specifically in your marriage.

3) Reach out to a good, same-gender Christian friend. Ask this friend to pray for you and for your marriage. Ask your friend to hold you accountable to seek help for your marriage.

SOURCE:

(1) From The Book of 2 Samuel – Enduring Word Media Server: 2 Samuel 11:1-5 – A Not-So-Sudden Fall, Apr 6, 2016.   LINK: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/2-samuel-11-1-5-a-not-so-sudden-fall/id1412147823?i=1000415786723&r=1085

Written by Glen Solberg, Abiding Marriage, December 2025. Send comments or questions to info@AbidingMarriage.org

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