As my wife and I have talked to couples over the years, we are continually reminded that we live in a broken world. Life’s challenges lead us to places where we are hurt by others or where we are the ones doing the hurting. These are the moments in all of our lives when we yearn for lasting change. We long for a “cure” for the brokenness we experience in life.
We have met many couples who genuinely wanted lasting change, but the change did not come. They were making effort, but if change happened, it was only temporary. And while there can be many reasons for this, we deeply believe there is an essential element in “God’s equation” for lasting transformation. Something that must be present in the husband and wife so that God can bring about His transformation in them individually and in their marriage.
What is that essential element? The answer is Humility. True humility that is made possible only by a husband or wife cooperating with God in their life and marriage. A husband or wife must be “walking in humility” and allowing that humility to affect every relationship and circumstance in their lives.
But rather than try to use our own words to express what it means to walk in humility in marriage, we will allow one of our favorite authors, Paul David Tripp, to speak to you. Here is what he shares on walking in humility from a June 2014 post:
I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Eph. 4:1-3
If we know the theology behind "walk in a manner worthy," there should be a correlation between how we think and how we act. The Apostle Paul wastes no time describing it to us, listing five character qualities of what our walk will look like as we relate and respond to others. The first is HUMILITY.
Being humble in your relationships can have a variety of practical applications, so instead of giving you "10 ways to serve" I want to give you 3 things to remember. Before asking "What can I do?" (which is still a good question), ask yourself, "How can I think biblically?" Your words and actions are always an overflow of the heart.
First, you need to remember that God is above all. It sounds like simple theology, but it's so simple for us to remove God from His throne and seat ourselves above others. When we think we're more important than the people God has placed in our lives, our words and actions will disrespect and demean them.
Second, you need to remember your dependency on other believers. Even if you have a Ph.D. in biblical studies, God can teach you important lessons through people who seem "less spiritual." It doesn't matter how many Scripture verses you've memorized - sin blinds, and you need a diverse body to help see yourself with accuracy.
Finally, you need to admit that you're just wrong sometimes. If you've made a mistake, you don't need to argue for your own righteousness. The Gospel frees you from having to bear the burden of defending yourself. Christ took the stand in the courtroom and declared you innocent!
Think about those three things. If I'm honest, I hate that list! I want to be king; I want to be independent; and I always want to be right! It's very hard for you and I to humbly admit who we are. But remember - because we have been "strengthened with power through his Spirit in our inner being" (Eph. 3:16), we can walk in our relationships in a radically humble and liberating way. (1)
Here is a prayer for you, and us, in whatever hurt and brokenness we are experiencing: Lord, help me to walk moment-by-moment in the power of Your Holy Spirit in true humility. I lean on Your promise, Lord, that You give grace to the humble. Fill our marriage with Your abundant and empowering grace so that we can humbly and sacrificially love each other in ways that truly honor You. In the Name of Jesus!
Application Section:
1) As you read through the author’s three main points on humility, which one stood out as the primary one God wants you to work on? What next step is He asking you to take?
2) The author talked about the importance of having Christ-centered community – people who really know the joys and struggles of your life – so they can help you see your “blind spots”. Honestly, do you have at least one person in your life that knows you and who you let speak truth to you? If not, what step are you willing to take to begin moving in that direction?
3) We encourage you to take some time to look up what the Bible has to say on the topic of humility. You might also search for what it says on pride, as that is a characteristic that we all must fight in order to grow in true humility. Share these verses with your spouse or a Godly, same-gender friend, and ask them to pray for you.
Introduction and application questions written by Glen Solberg, Abiding Marriage, 2024. Send comments or questions to info@AbidingMarriage.org
SOURCE: (1): Post by Paul David Tripp: https://www.paultripp.com/wednesdays-word/posts/walk-with-humility
Image by Rebecca Matthews from Pixabay